Help for your child
What can you do as a parent to help a kid who seems to have more trouble coping than other children?
Maybe your child throws frequent, severe tantrums over a long period of time, seems consistently sad, anxious or angry beyond his years or doesn’t do well in school despite his best efforts. Maybe she can’t get along with other children or make friends.
Some parents blame themselves. Many wonder whether to seek outside help. Not long ago, experts thought brain disorders such as anxiety, depression and bipolar disorder began only after childhood. We now know they can begin in early childhood, according to the National Institute of Mental Health.
An estimated 1 in 10 children and teens in the U.S. suffers from mental illness severe enough to cause impairment. Fewer than one in five of those kids gets treatment, according to the institute. Idaho Health asked Jeff D. Wright, clinical director of Life Counseling Center in Nampa, for some advice about kids’ behavior problems and how to get help.
Parents whose children have behavioral problems often blame themselves for being bad parents. Should they? What are parents’ responsibilities to their kids?
It is true that many parents blame themselves for their child’s behavioral problems, but they should not be so quick to do so. Parenting style is one factor that can contribute to a child’s behavioral issue, but there could be several other reasons why a child exhibits behavioral problems that are independent of parenting style. Those factors include genetics, environment, trauma and peers. Parents are responsible for seeking the best help possible for their child and for playing an active role in their child’s treatment.
The guilt parents often feel over their children’s mental-health diagnoses can be paralyzing. Any tips?
It is normal for parents to experience feelings of hurt and guilt over their child’s condition. It is also essential for them to accept it, move beyond it and not become overwhelmed with guilt, shame and blame. Rather, it is important for parents to direct their energy toward helping their child cope and find the best treatment or solution available for their child’s diagnosis.
When should parents seek help for children who seem disruptive or depressed, can’t sleep or show other signs of trouble?
Immediately. The quicker the child’s issue is addressed and treated, the better the prognosis. Parents should also consult with their child and others who interact with their child directly, such as teachers, day-care workers and pediatricians.
Is it normal for parents to resent their troubled kids at some level?
Yes, it is normal, because challenging children demand extraordinary amounts of time and energy from their parents. The best thing parents can do is acknowledge their feelings. They should also seek support and encouragement from others and participate in support groups with parents of similar children.
If parents reach the end of their rope and decide to seek professional help for their child, how do they do it?
I would say the most effective way for a parent to seek professional psychiatric help for their child is by first consulting with their family physician or pediatrician. These professionals are often knowledgeable about individuals in the community who can treat their child’s condition. Another way is for parents to talk with school personnel who can also aid in referring them to appropriate treatment providers.
Should parents seek a label, a diagnosis, for their troubled child? Does that create more stigma than it’s worth?
It depends. Some symptoms and issues do not rise to the diagnostic level or, if they are diagnostic, may not reach clinical significance. In these instances, it is not necessarily important for the parent to seek a diagnosis. However, in some cases, it is important to seek an accurate diagnosis from a trained professional.
Diagnosis is just one step in the treatment process. Although a diagnosis can be a source of stigma, it can also be an aid in treatment and help the child and parents know that they are not alone and that what their child has, other children also have. Diagnosis aids in treatment in that it informs the treatment provider about what types of interventions and/or medications may be most advantageous in helping improve the child’s disposition. I always inform parents of the risks and benefits of diagnosis and encourage them to share that information when it is absolutely necessary and when it is to the benefit or safety of the child.
Jeff D. Wright is a licensed clinical professional counselor and clinical director at Life Counseling Center, Nampa. Wright is fluent in Spanish and counsels in English or Spanish. His phone number is 465-LIFE (5433). E-mail Wright at wright@lifecounselingcenter.net. The group’s Web site is LifeCounselingCenter.net.