A journey to weight loss

Cheryl Ginsberg needed a way to silence the demons telling her she never would measure up. She was a church-going good girl who never would dream of using illegal drugs.

But eating and eating and eating — there was an idea.

"Food is the good girl’s drug," said Ginsberg, sitting in her tidy Emmett home with pictures of her smiling, attractive 36-year-old husband, Brad, two sons, ages 18 and 12, and other family members on the walls. "I have an addictive personality, and this just happened to be my drug."

In September 2006, she was ready to just say no to excessive eating. She underwent weight-loss surgery in Boise on Sept. 11 and has since lost 140 pounds and gained confidence and momentum, taking walks, exercising at Curves (a chain of gyms for women), working in her yard and shopping, all without having to stop often to sit down and catch her breath.

She even was making progress where progress was hardest — changing her perception of food as a comfy security blanket.

"It has taken me this long to get to where I realized how much I had depended on food for obviously many things besides nourishment," Ginsberg, 47, said.

Putting food, especially good stuff like Cheetos, into perspective always may be a challenge for Ginsberg. After all, they taste so good.

Losing weight brought other changes into Ginsberg’s life. She left the only job she ever held, as a bookkeeper in a family-owned business, to become an emergency dispatcher for Gem County.

"I’m still amazed that I did it, but I’m gaining a newfound confidence," she said.

The confidence she has earned since her surgery has been a long time coming.

Ginsberg wasn’t fat in high school, but afterward her weight seesawed as she dieted. Often, she was a few pounds heavier at the end of each diet. By 2006, she carried 356 pounds on her 5-foot-5-inch frame. The final straw was when she couldn’t walk to the gate at the airport to see her sons off for a visit with their father in California.

By then, her body was big and her life was small. She couldn’t go grocery shopping without getting out of breath. She never went to the fair because she was afraid she wouldn’t fit through the turnstiles. When she watched her son Connor at football practice, she usually stayed in her minivan: That way, there was no walking and no shame if her son’s friends ridiculed the boy because of his fat mom.

At the end of a fraying rope, she attended a seminar at Saint Alphonsus Regional Medical Center in Boise on surgery to control her weight. She was morbidly obese, which meant her weight was at least 100 pounds higher than the ideal for her height.

Morbid obesity can lead to a host of other health problems, or co-morbid disorders, as doctors say. Those include diabetes, high blood pressure and sleep apnea.

The solution she was considering was nothing new in her family. Ginsberg’s mother had bariatric surgery years ago, and she took weight off and kept it off. Her parents paid for the surgery because Ginsberg, like most people, doesn’t have insurance that covers the procedure.

Dr. Robert Cahn of Boise put a small Lap-Band ring around her stomach. The ring could be tightened or loosened and was intended to shrink her stomach, her appetite and ultimately her body.

She was in good company. The first Lap-Band surgery in Idaho was performed in November 2003 at Saint Al’s. Since that time, Dr. Bryan J. Anderson, medical director of the Lap-Band program, and Cahn have performed more than 380 Lap-Band surgeries.

The hospital and doctors expect this year to do enough of the procedures to get credentials that will help patients gain health-insurance coverage for the procedure. Lap-Band surgery costs $14,000 to $16,000 at Saint Al’s.

Ginsberg has no regrets about having the surgery. "This has been the most amazing and rewarding experience of my life," she wrote in an e-mail. She has 60 pounds to go to reach her goal of losing 200 pounds. It’s happening, slowly but surely.

Here is a journal-style account of her life since then, told through interviews and e-mails with Idaho Health over the past year and her dated blog entries on a Web site called Band2Gether.net, for people who have undergone the Lap-Band weight-loss surgery.

Feb. 28, 2007: Band2Gether.net

"Live in a pretty small community here in Idaho and we had a very sad occurrence yesterday. 5 kids in our area were killed in a car accident. We had snow yesterday and they slid off an icy highway into a pond and were trapped in the car in about 20 feet of water and couldn’t get out. In the car were a 15-year-old girl and her 12-year-old brother and another 15-year-old girl and her 2 younger brothers ages 12 & 14. My son goes to school with the 2 older girls and he’s devastated. Like I say, it’s a small community and most of the kids know each other so it’s been very hard on all of them. It’s so sad how we take things for granted sometimes. I’ve been whining around about my weight loss and finding so many excuses to not exercise. This puts everything into perspective for me. Life is too short to waste it. If there are things in my life that I can change, then I need to change them. I want to enjoy my life to the fullest. Make sure you tell those you care about that you love them … every day. Don’t waste a minute."

March 8, 2007: Band2Gether.net

"My poor husband has been having trouble figuring out my moods lately. So in his great wisdom, he decided to buy me a mood ring, hoping that with the changing of the colors, he could figure out what kind of mood I’m in. He discovered that when I’m in a bad mood, the ring leaves a big ole red mark in the middle of his forehead! Maybe next time he’ll buy me a diamond!"

April 7, 2007: Interview with the Idaho Statesman’s Idaho Health

Ginsberg lost 80 pounds since September and reached a milestone: For the first time in five years, she mowed the lawn. She gets out more, going shopping and spending more time with her husband.

Her biggest challenge now is keeping her expectations about the surgery and her weight loss realistic. "I really have to change my mind-set about a lot of things," she said. The hard part, she said, is "not thinking this is going to be the magic that changes your life.

"A lot of people think we’re taking the easy way out by doing this, and it’s been anything but easy."

June 26, 2007: Band2Gether.net

"… finally decided to post some pics. They’re kinda before and in progress. The blue dress on the day of my 1st consult with Dr. Cahn at 356 lbs. The yellow top is today … down 80 pounds. Still a long way to go but getting there. The today pic is in clothes

I bought last weekend at Shopko, off the rack! It’s probably been 15 years since I bought clothes in a "regular" store. Thanks to all here who are so supportive. I love you all."

Aug. 5, 2007: Interview with Idaho Health

Cheryl was well on her way, having lost 95 of the 200 pounds that is her goal. "It has kind of changed things for the whole family," she said. For example, the couple spent an entire day shopping at the mall, Costco and Wal-Mart, something she would have detested in the past because it meant a lot of walking. "These are things that normally I just let him do, and I just poop out," she said.

"The quality of my life is so much improved," she said. "Little things, like we moved here in April of last year, and I had to go up the steps one at a time and use the hand rails to help myself get up, and I don’t have to do that now. Or I can walk up it carrying the laundry basket. Just things I find myself doing, I think, ‘Oh, not so long ago I couldn’t do this.’ "

Her husband, Brad, left the decision about the surgery up to her. He loved her regardless of her size, he said. "It was something she wanted, so I was supportive. I was happy that she was able to improve her self-esteem."

For years, Cheryl has suffered the fate of the heavy: They sometimes are invisible, especially to store clerks. That is happening less, although she isn’t sure if the reason is her smaller size or her increased self-confidence.

The biggest challenge now is in Ginsberg’s head, as it is for many patients. A few months before the August 2007 interview with the Statesman’s Idaho Health, she suffered what felt like a panic attack.

"I felt like I couldn’t catch my breath. I felt like I was suffocating. I went outside to the back deck, and I couldn’t get out because the car was too close to the garage. I was in a panic, and part of it was because I couldn’t eat," she said.

When she feels extremely stressed out and wants to overeat, her strategy has become: Find something to do. Although she never much liked computer games, she has taken a liking to one called Chuzzle, in which players line up small, furry creatures. She plays it sometimes in the evenings to calm herself.

Aug. 10, 2007: Band2Gether.net

"As of this morning, I’m down 96 lbs. in a little less than a year. I should be ecstatic, yes?? Well, I was till this evening. I promised myself that when I lost 100, I’d go buy some jeans. And seeing you all talk about jeans, and showing pics of your lovely selves, I got excited about it. Till I walked in Lane Bryant and tried some on. Ugh.

"I carry all my weight in my belly, and I couldn’t fit into any. Ok. ... I only tried on 2 pair, but that was enough to depress me. ... I know I’m whining, but I need to vent. Somebody hug me ... and then kick me in the arse. Can anyone else relate?"

Sept. 11, 2007: Band2Gether.net

"Today is my 1 year anniversary of being banded. So in the midst of all the sadness and remembering 9-11-01, I have something brighter to remember. I’ve lost 101 lbs. in my year, and I couldn’t be happier. I could be farther along if I’d get my exercise going, but I also could be much heavier if I’d never had this done. Now that I’ve reached a year, I’m finally getting my mind around this weight loss journey. ... I’ve learned to quit eating as soon as I feel the slightest bit full instead of pushing through and eating because it tastes good. I can’t begin to tell you how much better I feel. When I think about carrying around 100 lbs. now, I can’t believe I was living that way for so long.

Dec. 3, 2007: Band2Gether.net

"Ok....here it is.....I GOT A NEW JOB!!!

"A little background as to why this is such a huge thing to me. I’ve lived in the same small town since the day I was born, except for 3 years in CA in the mid 80s during my 1st marriage. My father and mother owned an auto parts store for 20+ years so I’ve worked there since I was in high school, as a bookkeeper/secretary/gopher. I love my job & the people I work with and assumed I’d be there till I died. ... Probably the main reason I’ve never pursued another job is because of the lack of self-confidence I have. Because of my weight, I feel people don’t give me a chance to prove myself. Or maybe I just don’t put myself out there enough. And I’ve done this job for so long that I assumed I’m too old to learn anything new. Well ... long story short ... (too late!) ... I will be working for the County Sheriff’s office in the dispatch position. Yikes! 911 calls, etc. ... I feel like a whole new chapter of my life is starting."

Feb. 21, 2008: E-mail to Idaho Health

"As of this morning, I’m down 131 lbs. I’ve gone from a size 34 to a size 18/20. I’ve lost a huge amount of inches. ... Yesterday I joined Curves so now I’ll be getting some more exercise and I’m hoping the scale will continue to move downward. This has been the most amazing & rewarding experience of my life. I can’t begin to tell you how much better I feel, both physically & mentally. I’m happier & healthier in all aspects of my life.

"The new job is great, too. It’s very challenging, but rewarding. I don’t regret the decision to change jobs at all. I’m still amazed that I did it, but I’m gaining a newfound confidence."

March 12, 2008: E-mail to Idaho Health

"As of today I’m down 135 lbs! Amazing. Also, I’ve joined Curves and have been doing that at least 3 days a week, sometimes 4. And over here in Emmett we have a sports complex out near the river that has a walking path around it. The path is a little over 1 mile, and I walked it this week! I’m hoping to do that at least 3 times a week. Things sure have changed for me!"

April 9, 2008: Telephone interview with Idaho Health

Some people say losing lots of weight gives them back their lives. Ginsberg goes further, saying she has a life for the first time. Her back and ankles no longer ache. She can park farther away from store entrances or run back into the house to grab something she forgot when she dashed off. The list of the small things that make up a life goes on and on.

Looking at video clips and photos of herself when she was obese makes her think about who she is and who she once was. Years of seeing a heavy person in the mirror and thinking of herself as heavy do not change overnight. Her image of herself is taking a while to catch up. "Sometimes, I don’t see it, still," she said.

Ginsberg works four 10-hour shifts as a dispatcher for Gem County. She rotates hours with other workers. She works 5 p.m. to 3 a.m. She might next do graveyard, 9 p.m. to 7 a.m. That doesn’t bother her. She says she doesn’t need much more than four to five hours’ sleep now. "I am doing more exercise because my days are free," she said.

May 20, 2008: Telephone interview with Idaho Health

Now 140 pounds slimmer than her peak weight of 356 pounds, Cheryl is ready to celebrate. It’s been a year of firsts, with more to come.

She got a tattoo of a bracelet on one ankle. As she loses weight, she adds charms: first a heart, then wedding rings. More will come as she loses more weight. "It’s a reminder of what I am doing," she said.

She, her husband and her two sons are planning a summer trip to Lagoon, an amusement and water park near Salt Lake City. It will be the first time in many years that she has been slim enough to go on amusement park rides.

Buying clothes is not the ordeal it once was. "Shopping is getting much more fun," she said. "Much to my husband’s dismay."

Her weight-loss surgery remains the single best thing she ever did for herself, she said. "I finally took the time to do something for me," she said.